28 Nov 11
Look, you’re tired of hearing how much I love Emmy the Great. I am too, it’s hard to sleep when you’re preoccupied with hating Tim Wheeler, although i’m sure everyone already knows how that one feels (ooh, ice burn). Still, it’s hard for me to separate my feelings from my fingers when writing about their joint effort- Emmy the Great and Tim Wheeler. On one hand, we have the song itself – an undeniable yuletide classic, a truly glorious cacophony of hand claps, strings, festive cheer and -lets face is- genius of such magnitude you could view it from atop the lofty heights Kanye West’s cranium*. While on the other, we have the video (I went for the Japanese dubbed version, it had less views, therefore it is cooler) which features large amounts extras attempting to act natural around Tim Wheeler as he stares off into the middle cunting distance like a man who thought he just caught a glimpse of his long lost career. Unfortunately, it was just a homeless man throwing up over himself and then pissing on his trousers to get the stink out. Sorry, Tim, there’s always next Christmas; and before you ask, no I do not want 4000 copies of your A to Z singles collection.
Exhibit a: Tim Wheeler wants nothing more than your fist lodged deep into his facial features.
*This is a horrible, horrible lie. The song is, in fact, the worst thing to happen to Christmas since Basshunter took a break from his never ending quest to prove the existence of low end frequencies in the wild to record “Jingle Bass“.