SORT OF WANT: Radiohead’s TKOL RMX package

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  • 10 Aug 11

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Are you…you are aren’t you? You’re still spelling remix with all its vowels intact, like some sort of grotesque sentient dictionary, that’s not even trying to clamber out of its dank snake pit of social awkwardness. You’re probably too wrapped up with other things like watching England dissolve into a post apocalyptic episode of Supermarket Sweep, or tending to your ”life” (whatever that is, is it like a tamagotchi?), but let me fill you in. As of several hours ago Radiohead are starting the campaign against vowel pollution, essentially meaning you should only use vowels when absolutely necessary, for instance when you have a remix album to sell. Here’s a few tips on how to curb your vowel emissions:

1. USE HOMEGROWN VOWELS WHENEVER POSSIBLE: Get yourself in a comfortable position, and begin making guttural, primitive noises outwardly. Congratulations, you’ve just birthed new vowels, use them whenever possible. (Warning: Public production of vowels could result in you being sectioned. Or being mistaken for a guy who’s really into Wookie speak. You’ve been warned…)

2. THINK: Vowels can hurt others in the long run. Think of all the offensive language that contain vowels. Dickhead, cunt, prick, faggot, bitch, motherfucker, fatherfucker, bastard, whore, grandmafucker…the list is endless, do your bit by removing the vowels you dckhd.

3. RECYCLE: It’s as easy as that, pick a word brimming with vowels, and use it as much as possible. It’s a beautiful idea, beautifully constructed, just really really beautifully beautiful.

The cause can be helped by buying Radiohead TKOL RMX 1234567, on October 10, featuring all those tracks you bought for £30 in the newspaper album several months ago, but with slightly more digestible beats and instrumentation wrapped around them! Tracklisting’s below bro

Disc 1:
1. Caribou – Little By Little Rmx
2. Jacques Greene – Lotus Flower Rmx
3. Nathan Fake – Morning Mr Magpie Rmx
4. Harmonic 313 – Bloom Rmx
5. Mark Pritchard – Bloom Rmx
6. Lone – Feral Rmx
7. Pearson Sound – Morning Mr Magpie Scavenger Rmx
8. Four Tet – Separator Rmx

Disc 2:
1. Thriller – Give Up The Ghost Houseghost Rmx
2. Illum Sphere – Codex Rmx
3. Shed – Little By Little Rmx
4. Brokenchord – Give Up The Ghost Rmx
5. Altrice – TKOL Rmx
6. Blawan – Bloom Rmx
7. Modeselektor – Good Evening Mrs Magpie Rmx
8. Objekt – Bloom Rmx
9. Jamie xx – Bloom Rework
10. Anstam – Separator Rmx
11. SBTRKT – Lotus Flower Rmx

JT