Look, you know as well as I do, that you’ve read this news before. Hell, you could barely swing one of those metaphorical cats without bumping into some sort of xx shaped news item yesterday. So why am I dispensing such valuable words at such well worn news? Because The xx have created a problem for themselves. Sure enough, ‘Angels’ turned out a very pretty slice of minimalist melancholia, replete with Jamie’s distinct percussion production, but check out the above artwork for Coexist. They’ve made the bold jump from Black & White to glorious technicolor, all in the space of one album, leaving but a single question on the lips of a generation, where in the light spectrum can The xx go next? What follows are three entirely viable options (original idea donut steal) for Coexist’s inevitable sequels.
The xx – Rays (2013). Obvious naming pun aside, Rays finding The xx moving away from the perils of visible light, although copies of the record will be ultimately removed from shelves thanks to incredibly high cancer rates surrounding it.
The xx – Ultraviolet (2016). After the PR disaster of ‘Rays’, The xx reemerge with ‘Ultraviolet’, only for it to be pulled, once more, due to the hundreds of thousands of skin cancer cases attributed to their sultry tones. Interestingly, sales in the Essex area of England are higher than the rest of the world put together.
The xx – Infared (2032). After a brief reunion tour- a goodwill gesture towards the millions either left sterilized or battling for their lives – The xx release ‘Infared’, an album as harmless as their days occupying the now eternally established visible light spectrum. Critics consider it a step backwards, though praise the lack of bundled lead protective clothing.
10 Swept Away
11 Our Song
I’m going to be honest with you, reader, that wasn’t as funny as I imagined it would be. Coexist will arrive on the 11th of September, because that’s an excellent day to release an album.