A list of things preferable to listening to Coldplay’s latest single

216 Chris-Martin-BBC-live
  • 03 Jun 11

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Oh man, you didn’t actually expect us to write about the actual song did you? Instead, we at Misc.Music are proud to present our list of better ways to spend 3:53 (statistically¬†the correct length for a ColdHeadMuse song)

1: Listen to ‘Creep’ by Radiohead.

2: Listen to any other song by Radiohead that is 3:53 in length.

3: Construct a tiny explosive device with which you detonate yourself in the vicinity of Chris Martin and his children.

4: Masturbate over pictures of Gwyneth Paltrow.

5: Masturbate on pictures of Gwyneth Paltrow.

6: Masturbate on Chris Martin.

7: Ejaculate on Chris Martin.

8: Ejaculate into Chris Martin’s eyes so he crashes his car into a brick wall and blinds not only himself, but his children.

9: Kill yourself whilst listening to the new Coldplay single as to cause a controversy about the possible presence of subliminal messages.

10: Write an angry list of mean things about things related to Coldplay because you’re a bitter hack with no musical talent whatsoever.